Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Securing Sumahi's Future: Of Hopes and Disappointment

Since Daddy came back to visit, there were discussions of how things will go when he finally returns from the States.

The first was "When" will he comes back, I asked about it several times before, and the answer I got was usually "I don't know." I had always assume that he would be returning with his mother and Alina during the Summer, which would approximately be in July. Then we would have the big Sumahi party. Unfortunately, I was being overly idealistic. I was told that he might ended up coming back in late August instead, for he wants to see if he could continue working during the Summer for his department. And I'm left with the dilemma of whether to have the party while Sumahi's grandmother and auntie are here but without her Daddy, or to wait 'til September to have the party with her daddy but without her grandma and auntie. And I honestly don't know what to do, for it is not very often that Sumahi's Grandma Rita and Auntie Alina could come and visit from the States, and I want those important people of Sumahi's life to be there for her big party, but how can I have a big party without her Daddy being here... and to have to repeatedly tell the guests that "Oh, her Daddy is not here." when they ask where's Sumahi's Daddy. I can't imagine.

The second was about Daddy finding a job. For me, it was about Daddy finding a job with benefits so that he could cover Sumahi in his insurance. However, I learned that it is more important to find a job in which Daddy could finish his dissertation, which most likely would not come with benefits.

The last but not least was about my sale. I've been working on selling a house for a few months now, I had secure a buyer, completed the contract, the loan was approved... but the closing date just keeps extending and extending and extending... it has just been a long and winding road, with many long phone conversations explaining things again and again of why things aren't happening, with being yelled at many times from both parties, and with many times of close to terminating the contract from either side. If the sale goes through, then I would get a good amount of commission which would provide the financial securities, in case Daddy is not able to find a job right away when he comes back. And I keep seeing this security of Sumahi's future, slipping in and out of my hands, slipping in and out... and in and out. And it is just.... very frustrating.

I guess my problem is me being often overly idealistic, and my burning desire for a better future, a secured future for Sumahi, and with that not falling into place without a struggle. I guess I just need not to be bummed about things not happening, but instead learn to deal with it.

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